Sometimes people cannot stand loneliness and as soon as they come out of a relationship, they rush into another one. When their Ex hears they are in a new relationship, they are surprised. Some Ex even question them on how they were able to move on so fast. Some hold on to the memories for years and eventually get into a relationship. They do that because they got tired thinking of their Ex. Also there is pressure on them to get into a new relationship but its not because they have moved on.
Due to our lack of knowledge, some actions and decisions of ours have the power of keeping us trapped in a bad situation or place we don't want to be. One of such traps is for one to believe that because they have been out of a relationship for a very long time, it means they have moved on and are ready for a new relationship.
Many at times when you ask someone who has gone through a break up if they have moved on, they are quick to tell you how long they have been separated from their Ex, how long they have been single. You can break up with someone and still think about them. The memories you share, the investment, etc.
Not every breakup resulted from a mutual agreement, many break ups were not expected so people in the relationship ended up very disappointed. Some got hurt, others became bitter. It's like their heart had been wounded, the pain one experiences after a breakup becomes unbearable for some people. Some people even feel like ending their lives. They lose the sense of living because of how they have built their lives around the relationship.
Before such a person ventures into a new relationship he or she needs to get healed. It’s not about waiting for some months or years. It’s about accepting the reality that it’s over between you and your partner. It’s about closing that old chapter of your life. It’s about putting the past behind you. It’s not about waiting to forget about your Ex, that is something which won't happen. Your memory is too good to just forget people, not to talk of someone you loved and shared a lot with. Asking someone to help you forget your Ex is equally asking the person to help erase your memory which is impossible.
It's not how long you stayed alone after the breakup, if you have a wound and you don’t attend to it, it might not get healed. It's foolish to conceal wounds that have not healed by going into a new relationship because you have waited for long. No matter how long the rains fall, it cannot wash off the colour of a chameleon.
Moving on is a decision, if you want to fall out of love with her, you need to stop thinking about how charming she is. You have to stop following her on all social media, you need to delete her pictures. You don't need to waste your time staring at them.
The fact that your heart was broken by the person you loved doesn't mean you can't live, it doesn’t mean you cannot heal, it doesn't mean you can't fall in love again, it doesn't mean you won't meet someone amazing; it doesn't mean you can't get married. Don't limit yourself.
Life is a mix of good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. It's about the Ups and downs, great joys and great losses, the known and unknown. Your duty is to navigate through, learn your lessons, grow and become a better version of yourself. That is how you end up with a better relationship. It’s not about waiting to forget your Ex.
In conclusion, “Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago" - Isaiah 43:18 (GNT).
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© Frank Edem Adofoli
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